Darien's Insecurities
by anata
Summary: Darien's POV ... he's afraid of losing Serena to another guy ; thus, insecurites ... ( sweet story )


  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES :  
  
  
hiyeee ... this is my second Sailormoon fanfic, so pls. do a review - if you find it good, tell me so that my raisin sized ego will inflate into a prune sized one - in you find it horrible, tell me so I may improve ... PLEEEEASE DO A REVIEW ... REVIEW ... REVIEW ... REVIEW ... ahem, anyway, it's kinda like a continuation of my first Sailormoon fanfic " Serena ... I " so I suggest you read it before this one, but in case you lack time, it's ok to read this alone ... it can actually stand by itself and you would still understand everything.  
  
it's a sweet/romantic story, so if you're into angst and blood and gore, don't read this.  
  
This is basically in Darien's point of view, so everything in brackets ( ... ) is   
what Darien is thinking ... The style of writing I used ( if it can even be called  
a style ... * laughs nervously * ) is a bit weird, but I felt that it suited the story.   
Hope you enjoy reading it ...   
  
anata  
  
DISCLAIMER : Sailormoon ( the anime, characters, etc. ) do not belong to me ...  
they belong to Naoko Takeuchi-sama and others ...   
  
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( excerpt from )   
Just Like Titanic  
  
He took my hand  
And led me along in life  
He had come to save me  
From the cold sea so deep, from my insecurities  
  
We fell in love  
I truly loved him  
I accepted him for who he was  
I learnt things which I never knew  
  
- author unknown -  
  
( if YOU'RE the author of the poem and you don't want me to use this here,   
just tell me and I'll remove it pronto ... I'm not claiming it's mine )   
  
  
  
  
Darien's Insecurities ( that's the title )  
  
  
  
( Should I tell Serena about my past ? Will she pity me like all the others ? Tell me how sorry she is ? What if she is repulsed by the fact that I'm - I'm an orphan, that I have no memory of my past ? I just don't know what I should do. )   
  
Clad in a cream colored cashmere turtleneck with tight fitted jeans that showed off his a**, Darien knew he looked hot. The fact that all the women that he passed by on the street either swooned or asked for his number, was evidence that could attest to his sexy appearance. Unfortunately for all of them, he only had eyes for Serena, who was waiting for him in the arcade.   
  
Taking a deep breath, fixing his hair one more time, he then strode through the sliding doors of the familiar hangout where he used to pretend not to notice Serena while Andrew would encourage him to ask her out.  
  
( I can't believe that I'm actually nervous about a date. I've dated countless numbers of women, but this is the first time I actually feel shaky. I will tell her today. I don't want to have any secrets between us that could tear us apart. )   
  
Darien's gaze settled onto her angelic face smiling at him. Moments later, his lips captured hers in a passionate kiss. It was almost as if he were in a dream, he and Serena sharing a yummy chocolate sundae flavored kiss in a private booth in the arcade - a dream that he hoped would never end. The past few days had been utter heaven for him, ever since he had found out that Serena loved him.   
  
Everything was perfect - except for the fact that the blond goddess that he was kissing was not paying attention to what they were doing. In fact, before he realized what was happening, she gently pushed him away, teasingly shaking her head at him when he tried to resume his advances upon her ready lips. Her eyes were focused elsewhere.  
  
( This is frustrating. What the heck is she up to ? Doesn't she know how much I've missed her ? I mean, sure I picked her up from school yesterday and called her up before going to sleep. Doesn't she understand that I miss her ? Oh no ! I've become like my old girlfriends who used to keep calling up all the time ? What's wrong with me ? )  
  
A little voice in his head answered. " You're in love, baka. "  
  
( Oh yeah. )  
  
Seconds later, the invasion began. No, not the Negaverse sort of invasion. It was much worse that anything Darien could have ever imagined. It started with a sudden stampede of customers, including a gaggle of girls whom Darien would have normally welcomed with arms wide open. Unfortunately, it was not one of those days. He wasn't in a sharing mood. Clutching her hand possessively, he braced himself for the onslaught of giggles that was coming their way.  
  
( Maybe they won't notice us. Maybe they'll be too busy - )  
  
" Hey Darien! Hey Serena! Can we join you ? "  
  
( No! No no no no no ! Aaargh ! Can't you see that I'm on a date - )  
  
" Sure guys! I'm sure Darien won't mind! " smiled Serena.  
  
( Sigh. )  
  
They came like a plague, filling up the cozy booth with their presence. Mina, Rei, Ami, and Lita all shyly waved or murmured a hello to the pouting Darien who was still perturbed by the fact that his date was interrupted. The fact that the whole male population in the arcade was now glaring daggers at him, blaming him for hogging the most attractive girls there, bothered him as well.  
  
As soon as the girlish chatter began, Darien's mind began wandering, tuning out their voices, catching only bits and pieces of the conversation. Suddenly, his attention was caught when the girls all simultaneously gasped and pointed to someone or something in the other side of the arcade.  
  
" Ethan is just the cutest guy in the whole world, and he's right there ! I'd love to walk up to him and plant a big smooch on his cheek ! " whispered Rei with a grin.  
  
Ami, who was normally quiet, joined in. " His eyes are just so irresistible. " This remark was followed by murmurs of agreement all around.  
  
" I want him ! "  
  
Shock coursed through Darien's veins. He couldn't believe that Serena, HIS Serena, had just said that she wanted that Ethan, whoever he was.   
  
" So, ummm, who's Ethan anyway ? " he asked.  
  
With hearts in her eyes, Lita pointed to the corner of the room. " He's the one with blond hair and green eyes. Isn't he utterly adorable ? "  
  
Scanning the room with eyes like an eagle's, he began noting the people that were there, eliminating the possibilities based on the description given.   
  
( Hmmm, a woman and a toddler - nope. An old man, a kid chewing gum, a couple holding hands - BINGO ! Ethan must be that guy holding hands with the cheerleader. Green eyes, blond hair, it has got to be him. I wonder what they seem in him though ? I didn't think Serena was the type who liked dumb jocks with bulging biceps and calves. Is she ? )  
  
" Excuse me for a minute. " he mumbled, before rushing off to the men's room.  
  
" Wonder what's gotten into him ? " asked Serena absently.   
  
Ignoring the smirks and question marks on the people's faces who had entered the loo, he insecurely stared at his semi-visible rock hard abs and flexed his lean body in front of the mirror a couple of times. Darien then whipped out his cel phone and dialed the number of a nearby store that sold all sorts of weightlifting equipment and exercise machines.   
  
" Hello ? This is Darien Chiba. I'd like to order … "   
  
Moments later, he returned to the table. He gratefully noted that the topic of conversation had changed. To his horror, he realized they were arguing about which was better - shaving or waxing as the superior form of hair removal. Sobbing, he just wanted to get the hell out of there.   
  
After much convincing, kisses, and a bribe to buy her chocolate ice cream, Serena finally relented. The couple stood up, waved goodbye to their friends, and walked hand in hand out of the arcade. As soon as they had exited and started walking towards Serena's house, Darien breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
" What was that all about Chiba ? "  
  
" I - I just wanted to be with you. If you don't feel that way Serena, just tell me and I won't bother you anymore. " he curtly replied.  
  
( Did I just say that ? What the hell was I thinking ? I promised myself to never be mean to her again, and there I go putting my big foot into my mouth. I wish I was double jointed so I could kick myself. )  
  
" Darien, I only meant - I was worried okay ? You seemed totally out of it. " she said, turning away as tears began welling up in her eyes.  
  
" I'm sorry. " He wanted to brush away her tears so badly, but his pride refused to allow him to move.  
  
Silence. They remained quiet until they reached the front door of Serena's house. The very same door where she had declared her love for him just days ago. She stood by the entrance, her eyes pleading for him to say something - but no explanation came. Swallowing a sob, she then turned the knob of the door and rushed into her house, leaving Darien alone. He stood there, despising himself for hurting the one he loved the most, for making her cry once again.   
  
( I deserve to be alone. I am not good enough for her, and I guess that this just proved that she's better off with someone else - but I'm selfish. Despite knowing this, I still want to be with her. I can't stand knowing that she loves someone else. I have always wanted her to be mine, and for the briefest of moments she actually was. I can't understand what she saw in me, why she actually fell in love with me, but she did. I would do anything to make her smile again … So why am I just standing here doing nothing ? Baka ! )  
  
He ran into the house, noting the fact that in Serena's haste, she had forgotten to lock the door behind her. He climbed the stairs, two steps at a time, until he reached Serena's bedroom door. As he was about to knock, he heard her voice, totally void of the previous sadness. He peered inside and saw her cooing and giggling into the phone with a smile on her face. What broke his heart was the name she uttered.  
  
" Ja ne, Ethan. "  
  
He couldn't help it. After hearing what she said, he just snapped. He was Darien Chiba, strong and unbreakable. Since the day he woke up from the hospital with no memory whatsoever, he had never cried. So why were there tears pouring from his eyes ? Why was his body shuddering ? This was something unknown to him, something he couldn't understand.  
  
She turned around and saw him, her eyes widening in shock, or possibly guilt. Suddenly, the pieces of the puzzle all fell in place and she realized what was going on. Darien was insecure.  
  
" Darien, I - "  
  
" Don't come near me Serena. "  
  
( For if you did, I might just forgive you and become the fool again. )  
  
" What you heard isn't what you think it is. "  
  
" Stop it. I don't believe you. " he coldly replied in between sobs.  
  
( Talk. Explain to me what happened. I will believe whatever you say because I can't bear to not have you in my life. I need you, Serena. I don't want to lose you. )  
  
" Believe this. "  
  
Serena ran towards him and tackled him with as much force as her petite frame could muster. Her lips brushed his own, softly, shyly, almost as if she were afraid. One of her hands drifted to his hair, while the other trailed the path of tears on his chiseled face.   
  
" Gomen Darien. " she murmured as her eyes clouded with tears.  
  
His heart soared in happiness. He believed.  
  
" Why are you crying Serena ? "  
  
" Because I want to cry with you. I want to share your pain and joy so that you will never feel alone. I can't help feeling sad when you are sad Darien. "  
  
" Arigatou. "  
  
Together they cried.  
  
The next day, Serena hurriedly pulled an uneasy Darien towards a plain looking house that was located close to the wrong side of town. He wasn't really anxious about the shady characters around them, for he knew that his karate lessons were sufficient to protect him and Serena. What scared him was the fact that she was bringing him to Ethan's house. She wanted him to meet Ethan to avoid any future misunderstandings.  
  
( I don't want to meet this Ethan guy. I don't care about him just as long as I know Serena loves me and not him. Why the heck is she doing this ? )   
  
DING DONG   
  
The door opened and a plump pleasant looking middle aged woman who looked extremely familiar, opened the door. When she caught sight of Serena, the woman smiled and welcomed them in eagerly.  
  
" Ethan's inside Serena. He's been waiting for you all morning. "  
  
( What the - Serena's been to his house ? How many times has she been here already ? I mean even his mother knows her so well. HE STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER? What a loser. )  
  
" So where's this Ethan person ? " asked Darien as he scanned the room for a glimpse of the blond muscle bound guy.   
  
" He's right there Darien. " giggled Serena, pointing to the floor.  
  
( Where ? There's no one here except for - hey ! Something or someone's crawling on the floor. Could it be him ? )  
  
Darien craned his neck to see the source of movement on the ground, only to find a baby.  
  
" Serena, is this a joke or something ? Ethan isn't here. "  
  
" He's here. " she smiled.  
  
( Aaargh ! Is she trying to make me go insane ? The guy from the arcade isn't here at all. The only person here is that baby. That baby - that baby with blond hair - and green eyes - who looked totally adorable with drool dripping from his pouting lips. Oh my god. That's Ethan ? )  
  
* flashback *   
( Hmmm, a woman and a TODDLER - nope. An old man, a kid chewing gum, a couple holding hands - BINGO ! Ethan must be that guy holding hands with the cheerleader. Green eyes, blond hair, it has got to be him. I wonder what they seem in him though ? I didn't think Serena was the type who liked dumb jocks with bulging biceps and calves. Is she ? )  
*end of flashback*   
  
" Pssst. Darien, your mouth is hanging open. You'd make a great fly catcher. " teased Serena to the dumbfounded Darien who was still in shock as comprehension dawned up his face. She picked up the toddler who gurgled happily as she brought him close to Darien's face. Uncertainly, the baby poked the stranger on the nose. When Ethan realized that the man was frozen, he giggled and started blowing raspberries towards the statue with an open mouth.  
  
" He - he - he "  
  
" Yes, he's Ethan, the one whom we all adore. I think that we just had a huge misunderstanding about him, so I wanted you to meet him to clear things up. "  
  
" I'm sorry Serena. "  
  
" Don't be. I'm glad that you care that much about me, but next time, talk to me first before jumping to conclusions okay Darien ? "  
  
" Hai. " he muttered sheepishly, as Ethan dribbled on his black turtleneck sweater.   
  
( I'm an idiot. What can I say ? )  
  
" I'm willing to forgive you this time though, since you're looking particularly handsome today Mr. Chiba. "  
  
" Oh ? Acting all formal now aren't we, Serena ? Don't I look handsome everyday ? " he asked, playfully striking a pose and at the same time feigning shock.   
  
" Yes you do. In fact, you look yummy enough to kiss. "  
  
As she was about to kiss him, he stopped her.  
  
" I - I don't deserve you Serena. You're beautiful and compassionate, and everything else that attracts people and makes them love you. I, on the other hand, am insecure and cold, nothing at all like you.. "   
  
" And yet I am so in love with you Darien Chiba. Do you know why ? When you are with me, you become a totally different person. You are the sweetest and kindest and the most loving man I've ever met. Not to mention that you're sexy ! And when I am with you, I feel happy. You Darien, not anyone else, can make me feel so happy. This is love. "  
  
" Before I forget, I have to tell you something important. My parents were killed in a car accident many years ago and I lost my memory of my past. In other words, I am an orphan. " He cringed and closed his eyes, waiting for her reaction.  
  
( There. I've finally told her the truth. All I can do now is wait. What will she do ? )  
  
Her response ? She kissed him.  
  
It was as if a heavy burden had been lifted off his back. She knew the truth and still she loved him. Finally, he was ready to say the words.  
  
" Aishiteru, Serena. "  
  
Afterwards, he whipped out his cel phone, dialed the number of the sports store. " This is Darien Chiba, from awhile ago. I've got to cancel an order. "  
  
  
  
  
(^^) - END - (^^)   
  
to Kiyoshi - I read your comments on my previous fic ... and soooo Darien actually says I love you in this one  
  
Did you like it ? Did you ? Did you ? … even if you didn't, do a review ….okie ? … thanks … if it didn't reek too badly, I'll try to write another one … adiyos … or should I say ' SAYONARA ' … REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW  
  
anata  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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